Love IS Selfish... NOT Sacrificial: On Selfish and Sacrificial Love

Before we define love and before you get your panties all twisted in a bunch on the article heading, let's define two terms that are erroneously misconstrued both by the media and everyone basically.

So...

What does it mean to be SELFISH? To be selfish simply means to be concerned with one's needs. Simple. This is NOT a bad thing. To be selfish implies that you consider yourself important and as an extension, you consider your life important.

What does it mean to be SACRIFICIAL? To be sacrificial simply means to put the need of others before yours. Simple. This is a BAD thing... in EVERY case. To be sacrificial means that you don't consider yourself important in relation to other people and as an extension, you don't value your life at all. It also means you're a Mother Theresa incarnate, but without her shrewdness for being in the limelight at all times. (Where's my shotgun?)

Uhhh... How did this get in here?

Now, what is LOVE?

After many (somewhat wasteful) years of pondering that question, I finally arrived at the answer... while reading a book written by a dead woman. Her name is Ayn Rand. In summary, her definition of love is along the lines of it being a response to another individual when they possess one or more values you hold in high esteem.

AYN RAND: Proud and Logical.

PERFECT.

Clearly, that is selfish love.

But I'm not here to hinge my evidence of love being a selfish choice and not a sacrificial one on a dead, but well respected woman's philosophical quote.

I'm here to expound on WHY love is selfish.

First off, close that bible you're trying to use to get my attention with. Corinthians' take on love is just aimless rubbish. If we TRULY believed in and practiced that kind of love, I would have offed myself with ketamine.

Something to read... when you get tired of watching Merlin.

Love is not boastful? Love is not jealous? Love is not proud? Clanging cymbals? Face to face and a mirror with a stranger? I know a dude who writes better poetry when he's drunk on root beer. (shout out to Emmanuel)

But, what about stories of that dude that gave up his career to take care of his sick wife? Isn't that sacrificial love? HE GAVE UP HIS CAREER! 

Real talk, dude. But let's examine this scenario closely.

Could it be that his wife's health is MUCH more important than how well his career is doing at the moment? Could it be that losing his wife to the illness will be unbearable to him than losing a job he can easily replace? Could it be that his drive for success at his career is related to his wife being there to welcome him home with warm hugs and kisses than just a few pats from envious colleagues? Could it also be that he WANTS to spend the last moments of his wife's life with her before she eventually dies? (if she has a terminal illness, that is.)

Aaawwww...

You see, our dude in the above, err... "micro-story", is just following what is important to him and THAT doesn't involve a successful career with a DEAD wife. Hence, he truly isn't sacrificing anything at all. He's simply being selfish by taking care of a wife who makes his world a better place. THAT is more important to him than a fat paycheck at the end of the month.

Now, reverse this story and see the man who doesn't give a damn about the wife's health since she gave him STDs and slept with all his colleagues (while they were married! not before marriage, mind you.) and insults him in public... and mocks him about his small penis ...in front of the kids.

Don't you think he'd be a SCHIZOPHRENIC imbecile to throwaway his career to be at her bedside during her illness? Just because it was written somewhere "for better or worse"? I'd personally borrow his testicles before I kill him... while letting him know I ALSO screwed his wife too. 

Retard.

If our man in the micro-story did that, it would be SACRIFICIAL love. This is clearly why I have a problem with religious retards spouting self-righteous crap that love IS sacrifice. Because, no sane person on earth would do that for a classless whore of wife. Yes, he could be a masochist, but EVEN that is abnormal... unless you're female.

Don't ask.

Now, you decide to be ignorant and try to trap me -- as if -- by asking about a mother who instead of buying new shoes for herself decides to feed her child. THAT you say, with blazing eyes and an anything but triumphant tone in your shaky voice is sacrificial and hence love can be sacrificial.

You suddenly -- somewhat dimly -- realize that I ain't looking defeated. If anything I look victorious. You exposed your stupidity. Lemme explain.

The mother in the above "micro-story" (I call dibs on copyrighting the term "micro-story" by the way. PIPA take note. Idiots.) carried this child for nine months and after a torturous and utterly bizarre process of extreme courage called childbirth, she bore this child. She sets out to breast feed him, groom him, teach him to talk, teach him to read etc etc. Now, this child is hungry and she goes out to buy a pair of shoes?! 

REALLY?!

Then, she didn't want the child in the first place. This type of story occurs with teen mothers and NOT women who REALLY want children. You have a child that looks like you, looks up to you for knowledge, who accepts EVERYTHING you tell him as gospel, who runs to you for safety no matter the danger, who is on your side in ANY argument by default... and you go out to buy a pair of shoes when he's hungry. 

REALLY?!

You could've just aborted the damn baby rather than go through the entire process then. The woman who loves her child selfishly sees the child as an extension of her, albeit a younger extension, simply because he has her DNA for Elisha's sake. That's why parents are FIERCELY protective and proud of their kids. That's why parents would do anything to make their kids happy.

Ever heard the saying: "I want to give my children the life I never had"? That parents feel good if their children are happy? That is SELFISH love. SACRIFICIAL love on the other hand, is when she buys the shoes to impress her friends instead of feeding the child she's so protective of and dreams of giving a memorable childhood.

When a teenage or even older mom buys a new pair of kicks or shoes while her child starves, she's clearly saying her child isn't important to her; that she couldn't care less about its BASIC welfare (Yes, the child is an "it"). That is SELFISH love. SACRIFICIAL love is when she feeds the child she doesn't love to keep up the appearance of a good mother.

So Gangsta...

Selfish love is also evident when it comes to choosing partners for short term or long term relationships. If you found the man or woman of your dreams would you pick another person over them because the latter person doesn't have anyone who would love them and as a result, you feel sorry for them?

That would be utterly GAY.

Why would you perform such a horrible sacrifice of such magnitude? If you truly believe a tall man would make your world a better place, why pick a short man simply because you don't want people to think you're superficial? If you want a dude with loads of money, why go for a broke dude because you don't want your friends to think you're a gold digger?

Rubbish.

When you put your true needs second, you'll always be unhappy.

You see, there's a huge reason why love is SELFISH and not sacrificial and that's because love isn't blind. HELLO! How can it be? If it were, we would all be practicing sacrificial love.

Alright... so maybe love IS blind. *chills & rigors*

The love is blind thing came about because people felt we loved only superficially and never for personality. For example a hot chick with a socially acceptable beast of a man. That's all that is seen and NOT whether he's a strong leader or he's capable of satisfying her every time in bed or he has the right sense of humor or he makes her life very easy by making all the tough decisions for her.

Nah. The society just sees: she's hot, he's ugly.

To bring this about-to-be-a-thesis-on-love blog entry to an end, imagine yourself at the receiving end of both types of love.

On one side of the fence, someone loves you fiercely because you make them feel like a better person and you both share the same values, think the same way and have the same hobbies. The person also loves you because without you life would be unbearable and is willing to do anything to be in your company. The ONLY thing that separates this person from being a PSYCHOTIC STALKER is that you feel the same way about this person though you're apt to be cautious about revealing your feelings... at least early on.

Boy, gimme some sugar!

 On the other side of the fence is another person who shows the exact type of adulation, as the adorable psycho in training above, towards you which is all fine and dandy until you overhear a conversation he's having with his friends where he describes you as someone he's trying to be nice to as he feels you've never experienced such level of adulation and you look like men never take interest in you. Like visiting the sick during Valentine's day because you're in Medix frontiers or FECAMDS in my school and NOT because you truly care about them. Pathetic.

Now, imagine yourself at the giving end of both types of love, would you rather the first adorable psycho who's serious with the whole thing OR would you rather be the second adorable psycho who's just being CHARITABLE with their love? (Yes, you have to be a psycho on both occasions. LOL.)

Why bother with the whole self-deception? What would you do when the person at the receiving end of your love finds out it was SACRIFICIAL? Can you imagine a child who discovers the birthday gift she got wasn't because the parents cherished her, but because they didn't want to look uncool in front of other families in their neighborhood? (Shout out to Kene.) That your "lovers" weren't as special as you made them out to be? What do you imagine the reaction would be like if they became emotionally unhinged in the process?

I'd LOVE to watch the "unhinging" happen in 3-D by the way.

You don't wanna be around... when shit hits the fan.

Make my day and tell me you'd still go for SACRIFICIAL LOVE after reading that.

IN CONCLUSION (finally!), in the words of the sheep in animal farm: "SELFISH love good, SACRIFICIAL love bad". (They NEVER said that by the way.) The only people who want sacrificial love are those who have a damaged self esteem.

Parting shot: So Opposites attract, you say... 

Yeah, only because they're intrigued with each other and not out of SACRIFICE. So again, it's a selfish thing. The other person interests the other person and they want to satisfy their curiosity. Once the novelty wears off, it's dead and buried.

**In loving memory of Egwurube Nila -- with whom I argued most of my world views and my philosophies**

Later.

NEXT ARTICLE: Why Pride is a virtue... and Humility is a vice. (4TH FEBRUARY 2012)

No shit.

Robert - - Still ruling.