Love IS Selfish... NOT Sacrificial: On Selfish and Sacrificial Love

Before we define love and before you get your panties all twisted in a bunch on the article heading, let's define two terms that are erroneously misconstrued both by the media and everyone basically.

So...

What does it mean to be SELFISH? To be selfish simply means to be concerned with one's needs. Simple. This is NOT a bad thing. To be selfish implies that you consider yourself important and as an extension, you consider your life important.

What does it mean to be SACRIFICIAL? To be sacrificial simply means to put the need of others before yours. Simple. This is a BAD thing... in EVERY case. To be sacrificial means that you don't consider yourself important in relation to other people and as an extension, you don't value your life at all. It also means you're a Mother Theresa incarnate, but without her shrewdness for being in the limelight at all times. (Where's my shotgun?)

Uhhh... How did this get in here?

Now, what is LOVE?

After many (somewhat wasteful) years of pondering that question, I finally arrived at the answer... while reading a book written by a dead woman. Her name is Ayn Rand. In summary, her definition of love is along the lines of it being a response to another individual when they possess one or more values you hold in high esteem.

AYN RAND: Proud and Logical.

PERFECT.

Clearly, that is selfish love.

But I'm not here to hinge my evidence of love being a selfish choice and not a sacrificial one on a dead, but well respected woman's philosophical quote.

I'm here to expound on WHY love is selfish.

First off, close that bible you're trying to use to get my attention with. Corinthians' take on love is just aimless rubbish. If we TRULY believed in and practiced that kind of love, I would have offed myself with ketamine.

Something to read... when you get tired of watching Merlin.

Love is not boastful? Love is not jealous? Love is not proud? Clanging cymbals? Face to face and a mirror with a stranger? I know a dude who writes better poetry when he's drunk on root beer. (shout out to Emmanuel)

But, what about stories of that dude that gave up his career to take care of his sick wife? Isn't that sacrificial love? HE GAVE UP HIS CAREER! 

Real talk, dude. But let's examine this scenario closely.

Could it be that his wife's health is MUCH more important than how well his career is doing at the moment? Could it be that losing his wife to the illness will be unbearable to him than losing a job he can easily replace? Could it be that his drive for success at his career is related to his wife being there to welcome him home with warm hugs and kisses than just a few pats from envious colleagues? Could it also be that he WANTS to spend the last moments of his wife's life with her before she eventually dies? (if she has a terminal illness, that is.)

Aaawwww...

You see, our dude in the above, err... "micro-story", is just following what is important to him and THAT doesn't involve a successful career with a DEAD wife. Hence, he truly isn't sacrificing anything at all. He's simply being selfish by taking care of a wife who makes his world a better place. THAT is more important to him than a fat paycheck at the end of the month.

Now, reverse this story and see the man who doesn't give a damn about the wife's health since she gave him STDs and slept with all his colleagues (while they were married! not before marriage, mind you.) and insults him in public... and mocks him about his small penis ...in front of the kids.

Don't you think he'd be a SCHIZOPHRENIC imbecile to throwaway his career to be at her bedside during her illness? Just because it was written somewhere "for better or worse"? I'd personally borrow his testicles before I kill him... while letting him know I ALSO screwed his wife too. 

Retard.

If our man in the micro-story did that, it would be SACRIFICIAL love. This is clearly why I have a problem with religious retards spouting self-righteous crap that love IS sacrifice. Because, no sane person on earth would do that for a classless whore of wife. Yes, he could be a masochist, but EVEN that is abnormal... unless you're female.

Don't ask.

Now, you decide to be ignorant and try to trap me -- as if -- by asking about a mother who instead of buying new shoes for herself decides to feed her child. THAT you say, with blazing eyes and an anything but triumphant tone in your shaky voice is sacrificial and hence love can be sacrificial.

You suddenly -- somewhat dimly -- realize that I ain't looking defeated. If anything I look victorious. You exposed your stupidity. Lemme explain.

The mother in the above "micro-story" (I call dibs on copyrighting the term "micro-story" by the way. PIPA take note. Idiots.) carried this child for nine months and after a torturous and utterly bizarre process of extreme courage called childbirth, she bore this child. She sets out to breast feed him, groom him, teach him to talk, teach him to read etc etc. Now, this child is hungry and she goes out to buy a pair of shoes?! 

REALLY?!

Then, she didn't want the child in the first place. This type of story occurs with teen mothers and NOT women who REALLY want children. You have a child that looks like you, looks up to you for knowledge, who accepts EVERYTHING you tell him as gospel, who runs to you for safety no matter the danger, who is on your side in ANY argument by default... and you go out to buy a pair of shoes when he's hungry. 

REALLY?!

You could've just aborted the damn baby rather than go through the entire process then. The woman who loves her child selfishly sees the child as an extension of her, albeit a younger extension, simply because he has her DNA for Elisha's sake. That's why parents are FIERCELY protective and proud of their kids. That's why parents would do anything to make their kids happy.

Ever heard the saying: "I want to give my children the life I never had"? That parents feel good if their children are happy? That is SELFISH love. SACRIFICIAL love on the other hand, is when she buys the shoes to impress her friends instead of feeding the child she's so protective of and dreams of giving a memorable childhood.

When a teenage or even older mom buys a new pair of kicks or shoes while her child starves, she's clearly saying her child isn't important to her; that she couldn't care less about its BASIC welfare (Yes, the child is an "it"). That is SELFISH love. SACRIFICIAL love is when she feeds the child she doesn't love to keep up the appearance of a good mother.

So Gangsta...

Selfish love is also evident when it comes to choosing partners for short term or long term relationships. If you found the man or woman of your dreams would you pick another person over them because the latter person doesn't have anyone who would love them and as a result, you feel sorry for them?

That would be utterly GAY.

Why would you perform such a horrible sacrifice of such magnitude? If you truly believe a tall man would make your world a better place, why pick a short man simply because you don't want people to think you're superficial? If you want a dude with loads of money, why go for a broke dude because you don't want your friends to think you're a gold digger?

Rubbish.

When you put your true needs second, you'll always be unhappy.

You see, there's a huge reason why love is SELFISH and not sacrificial and that's because love isn't blind. HELLO! How can it be? If it were, we would all be practicing sacrificial love.

Alright... so maybe love IS blind. *chills & rigors*

The love is blind thing came about because people felt we loved only superficially and never for personality. For example a hot chick with a socially acceptable beast of a man. That's all that is seen and NOT whether he's a strong leader or he's capable of satisfying her every time in bed or he has the right sense of humor or he makes her life very easy by making all the tough decisions for her.

Nah. The society just sees: she's hot, he's ugly.

To bring this about-to-be-a-thesis-on-love blog entry to an end, imagine yourself at the receiving end of both types of love.

On one side of the fence, someone loves you fiercely because you make them feel like a better person and you both share the same values, think the same way and have the same hobbies. The person also loves you because without you life would be unbearable and is willing to do anything to be in your company. The ONLY thing that separates this person from being a PSYCHOTIC STALKER is that you feel the same way about this person though you're apt to be cautious about revealing your feelings... at least early on.

Boy, gimme some sugar!

 On the other side of the fence is another person who shows the exact type of adulation, as the adorable psycho in training above, towards you which is all fine and dandy until you overhear a conversation he's having with his friends where he describes you as someone he's trying to be nice to as he feels you've never experienced such level of adulation and you look like men never take interest in you. Like visiting the sick during Valentine's day because you're in Medix frontiers or FECAMDS in my school and NOT because you truly care about them. Pathetic.

Now, imagine yourself at the giving end of both types of love, would you rather the first adorable psycho who's serious with the whole thing OR would you rather be the second adorable psycho who's just being CHARITABLE with their love? (Yes, you have to be a psycho on both occasions. LOL.)

Why bother with the whole self-deception? What would you do when the person at the receiving end of your love finds out it was SACRIFICIAL? Can you imagine a child who discovers the birthday gift she got wasn't because the parents cherished her, but because they didn't want to look uncool in front of other families in their neighborhood? (Shout out to Kene.) That your "lovers" weren't as special as you made them out to be? What do you imagine the reaction would be like if they became emotionally unhinged in the process?

I'd LOVE to watch the "unhinging" happen in 3-D by the way.

You don't wanna be around... when shit hits the fan.

Make my day and tell me you'd still go for SACRIFICIAL LOVE after reading that.

IN CONCLUSION (finally!), in the words of the sheep in animal farm: "SELFISH love good, SACRIFICIAL love bad". (They NEVER said that by the way.) The only people who want sacrificial love are those who have a damaged self esteem.

Parting shot: So Opposites attract, you say... 

Yeah, only because they're intrigued with each other and not out of SACRIFICE. So again, it's a selfish thing. The other person interests the other person and they want to satisfy their curiosity. Once the novelty wears off, it's dead and buried.

**In loving memory of Egwurube Nila -- with whom I argued most of my world views and my philosophies**

Later.

NEXT ARTICLE: Why Pride is a virtue... and Humility is a vice. (4TH FEBRUARY 2012)

No shit.

Robert - - Still ruling.

99 Reasons Why A Car Is Better Than A Woman.

I want to state with as much certainty as Bill Clinton did during the allegations of sexual misconduct with THAT white house intern... I LOVE WOMEN. I mean basically, why shouldn't I?

They have "beautiful voices" (sometimes, it croaks and gets a toad jealous but it's okay); they have the ability to REALLY sweat the small stuff; they can change moods for no reason whatsoever and hence keep the relationship "exciting"; they bleed periodically (trust me, there are times you'll PRAY for that to happen... or else, CHILD SUPPORT -- shout out to Nneka); they can't pee against gravity (or write their names on the sand with their pee -- shout out to Barrister Val); and the best for last -- they have boobies.

Such grace, such poise, such... BEAUTY.

All leather interior - - look at the stitching. Holy Moses.

It's the little details that matter... The car doors.

 Look carefully at this car and tell me that you don't love it... that you aren't already day dreaming about the speed you can reach while at the steering wheel. 

Compare the car to this woman... 

I ALMOST puked too...

But I'm being unfair, afterall cars can be very ugly too. For instance, EVERY car from Peugeot is just plain rubbish to drive and look at... to such a point that a dehydrated camel with mouth sores has more sex appeal compared to it.

His Royal Hideousness... with the gay grille.

So, which woman can compare to this car? Angelina Jolie and a couple of girls I've met do come to mind... 

Beautiful... nose.

DISCLAIMER: I've NEVER met these particular women in my entire life.

So, now it's clear how much I adore women (EXCESSIVELY), the title of this blog entry won't offend them... or have them walking up to me with glares and angry opening statements that can induce testicular atrophy. (shout out to Nneka.)

And that people is why I love cars.

Now, without further ado... and no ceremony of any kind:

1. All your car’s problems can be fixed.
2. If you hit your car it never hits you back.
3. You always dump your car, it NEVER dumps you.
4. If you have many cars, they’ll wait patiently for their turn.
5. Your car helps you pursue and bed other women.
6. You can brand your car with your initials externally and internally.
7. Courtship, pre-nup, marriage and divorce are non-existent in a car’s vocabulary.
8. Your car can never ever get pregnant “accidentally”.
9. Your car will never tell people your closely guarded secrets.
10. You can ignore your car for three months or more and come back to it later without any drama from it.
11. Your car is ALWAYS undressed.
12. Your car has no problem being the sole bread winner.
13. Your car is forever obedient… even against its best interest.
14. Your car is incapable of jealousy.
15. You can place stickers on your car.
16. Your car will make your life easier by default.
17. Your car has a charging port for your cellphone.
18. Your car never complains when you’re drunk.
19. Your car can stay young FOREVER.
20. Your car will never have breast cancer.
21. You can use your car as collateral.
22. Your car will never give you Chlamydia.
23. Your car is incapable of growing chest hairs.
24. Your car will NEVER get fat.
25. Your car will never grow a beard or mustache.
26. You can pay for a car in monthly installments.
27. Your car never minds if you shamelessly ogle another car in its presence.
28. Your car responds to logic rather than emotions.
29. Your car will never ignore you because of the kids.
30. Your car never lies about its age.
31. Your car doesn’t wear push-up bras.
32. When you’re tired of your car, you can destroy it without serving jail time.
33. Your car will always brave harsh weather conditions for your sake.
34. Your car will never be “born again”.
35. Your car will never flirt with other men.
36. Your car has no self image issues.
37. Your car is predictable.
38. Your car can excite you for the rest of your life.
39. Your car doesn’t lie about its virginity.
40. You can smoke in your car.
41. Your car will BELIEVE anything you tell her. (shout out to Ifeoma)
42. Your car comes with an operational manual.
43. Your car doesn’t have premenstrual syndrome.
44. Your car never fights with your mother when she visits.
45. Your car can see in the dark.
46. Your car never asks: “So, how many girls?” (shout out to Ada)
47. You never feel threatened when other men shamelessly ogle your car.
48. ANYTIME your car complains of a “headache” when you touch her, it isn’t a lie.
49. Your car can be auctioned off to the highest bidder without feminist groups threatening you.
50. You can live in your car.
51. Your car can be fitted with a tracking device.
52. Your car has an air conditioner and a heater.
53. Your car can never EVER fart.
54. Your car loves you unconditionally.
55. Your car has an in-built cup holder.
56. Your car never has refractive errors. (shout out to Nneka)
57. Your car will never say: “I told you so”.
58. Your car offers solutions to your problems.
59. Your car will never have cellulite on the buttocks.
60. Your car will never criticize your musical tastes.
61. Your car doesn’t run to its father’s house when you hit it.
62. Your car doesn’t snore in its sleep.
63. Your car will never laugh at the size of your penis.
64. Your car is a realist and not an idealist.
65. Your car never sends you conflicting messages.
66. Your car is a VERY cheap date.
67. Your car can shut up instantly at the turn of a key. (shout out to Ijeoma)
68. Your car will readily adapt to YOUR moods.
69. Your car will never ask for your input on which shoe to wear and then berate you for making that choice. (shout out to Anita)
70. Your car will never display its hairy butt crack on okada.
71. You can have multiple clones of the same car.
72. You can eat in your car.
73. Your car never asks where you’ve been.
74. Your car can never wear wigs.
75. Your car never has a sarcastic comeback to your otherwise stupid questions.
76. Your car doesn’t play psychological mind games.
77. Your car is not an annoying tease.
78. Your car WILL stay with you for better or worse.
79. Your car will never ask for expensive jewelry.
80. Your car will not become a quivering idiot in times of danger.
81. Your car will not have urinary incontinence at any point of its existence.
82. All of your car’s congenital problems are compatible with life.
83. Your car willingly accepts all the blame for YOUR mistakes and errors.
84. The right car will appreciate over the years.
85. Your car requires little maintenance.
86. Your car can be loaned out to friends.
87. You can ALWAYS fart in your car.
88. You can invite men to come and “feel” your car.
89. You can own a car and still be single… to mingle.
90. Your car will not be tempted by another man’s trappings of wealth.
91. Your car doesn’t lie about its promiscuity.
92. You can hide condoms in your car.
93. Your car never answers your questions with another question.
94. Your car never has annoying female friends.
95. Your car doesn’t mind if you name her after one of your ex-girlfriends.
96. You can carry out a tedious monologue with your car… and it will never yawn.
97. Your car doesn’t mind if you kiss and tell.
98. Your car can unobtrusively accompany you and your guys to a strip club... and wait outside.
99. Your car is a non-living thing. 

And there you have it. 

Later.

NEXT ARTICLE: Love IS Selfish... NOT Sacrificial: On Selfish and Sacrificial Love (on the 19th of January, 2012)

Robert - - Still ruling.

Did I miss a point? Click the comment link below and let me know.